Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
