I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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