I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
