Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
