I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
