When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
