I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
