i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
