How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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