btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
