ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
