you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
