Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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