okay pat passed out under dana's car
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
