I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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