Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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