Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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