Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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