His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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