She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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