Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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