I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
