haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
