Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
