I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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