He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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