my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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