All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
