Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
