We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
