I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
