I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
