It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i've created a new STD.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
