I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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