At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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