she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
