So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
