Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
