sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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