i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
