i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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