she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
