I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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