We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
