Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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