Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
