"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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