isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
