I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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