That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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