oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
