Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
